a specific medium may be perceived differently in separate occasions: different moods: different meanings. i point this out because tonight’s musical theme is normally reserved for more tired nights, more melancholia than is present currently, however i still felt it was best to have this drive me along now.
despite my prediction of a more drawn out period of distress, a good solid 12 hours of sleep and moringa tea have helped me greatly with my pains and i have been able to function as normal again.
it is impossible for a movement go unheard in the dead of night. while inside i could hear the dogs slobbering over their pilfered toys always something new each day. a slipper a rug a bottle a dress the daily mail. dogs are lovely creatures and i hold mine more dearly than most humans. as dearly as i hold my most favorite humans. i have a suspicion my mother finds this distasteful. which is also understandable as she can be a somewhat jealous mother.
the polarity of quarter-life sentiments breeds future archenemies. you will have the world as either your oyster or your hell. either of which are delusions. where is heaven in this picture? (also a delusion) supposedly absent on purpose; as if it will come to you, in due time, at the end, or some time before the end. didn’t we already talk about this. i did tell you about the folds, right?
desperation used to move me forward, you know. i would go after giants and rose when i fell. however there was one time i waited too long on my knees and i think i eventually resigned myself to a state of mediocrity: : : : spectating, content, neutral. i realize i may have already been swallowed by The Tao, without knowing it. i used to want so much and it fueled me; however it broke me so often too, which makes me think that perhaps this end is inevitable. or maybe i have just become lazy.
what is my life for. not asking anyone, not any god, not signs, not anyone but myself. problem is i wanted to be every thing. what am i now… it’s funny.