come upstairs and i’ll show you where all my
where my demons hide from you
just look at who i have become
i’m so ashamed you were the one
that made me feel the way i do
you broke me
and taught me
to truly hate myself
unfold me
and teach me
how to be like somebody else
when i felt strong enough
i was discovered by the love
i had been waiting for so long
you told me none of that was real
i cannot hide how low i feel
to know that you were never wrong

there are things i expect the least, but when they happen, they make perfect sense.

she and i are two people a hundred and eighty degrees apart. two people living in parallel, discovered only at a quarter of a century of life. funny things can happen, like how you lose people without much ado, and how you find people with the gravity of colliding planets.

first, it was the eyes. it couldn’t have been anything else. they made me feel like a deer in the headlights, but without the fear i’ve grown to know so well.

her art came next, it was pure soul, it was magic to witness, goddamn.

a little shuffling of papers in the back room and i find myself treading familiar ground, human things, albeit too easily. somehow the vulnerability and humility makes one more endearing. at this point i knew this was danger, and i gotta get out of here. but much like the dying hours of dawn, eloquence won me over, and there she was, bright as the sun.

it’s a shame she’s out of reach.

much has changed. life does that to you,  it flexes you like a soft plate and you find your ass landing from one side to the next.

awhile back i went so far down as to committing near-resignation. so much had been stripped off of me that i questioned if i’ll ever be somebody again. well i got out of that. still crawling my way out, actually. at least now i’m able to take a step back from the things that terrify me and stomach the possibility of losing things and… people.