i mistook the clouds for mountains. what with their light blue silhouette against an even lighter shade of blue, sliding softly into hues of pink. there is a line of green lights cut straight across them, and i had initially pegged them as houses. but when the clouds started fading into the rest of the atmosphere i realized it was a crane from somewhere nearby. what am i doing here staring at something so distant? the storefront lights and the harsh glare from the streetlamp didn’t even bother me. from where i stand, the pink and blue palette only shared a slice of the vista. regardless, it was all i saw and its inconsequential presence gave me a momentary peace of mind. then there was little light left and i am left with nothing to gaze at and wonder about. the sounds from the bickering passersby and grumbling engines on the street started to crowd my mind and so i retreated back into my limbo room.

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now i am at the fringes of that monster of an ocean responsible for stripping everything but my name from me, my back is towards it, i am smelling an all-too familiar breeze, though i am not quite ready yet. been filling up any hint of vacancy with booze and company. i am only just slowly getting into it. i have never been one to make abrupt changes, but i keep it all inside my wormy little brain and so everybody sees it as volatility. i protest the only way i know how – silently – world weary eyes brushing to the side, wishing my mouth could be as eloquent as the words dribbling through my mind. i’ve taught myself not to try so hard to be understood, i don’t always have to be understood, i used to wish somebody’d try to understand, but it doesn’t really matter does it.