cheers darlin,

i know not who my enemy is, supposed to be. i’ve had a handful of glasses, just a few bottles. twas a happy day, a lovely, i am glad, i was glad. (but) then you came home. possibly nothing happened. possibly something happened. probably nothing. just a feeling. just a small feeling, i am tired of repeating sentences, tired of the same feelings, i have none. i have none! just a bit, that i make up, to be glad, to be happy, to be joyful, to just smile… what is true is love, real love, love that is raw, and real, no chemicals, all choices, you are, quite simply, my choice… easy…

tonight there must not be a reader in sight, i don’t know i don’t know i don’t know! if i have to be honest…. if i have to be honest… honestly the truth depends on the freshest memory; which one came last, or has touched me the most recent; if she has been nice to me the last time then certainly she is a princess in my eyes, a true angel, a savior. however if she has been cruel then yes she may have been a dictator, a tyrant, whatever word you can come up with. it is so complicated… sometimes i am so so so happy but in some (perhaps rare) cases i feel the entire weight of all the years, the obvious lies, the blatant flirting, the hypocrisy, the selfishness, the insensitivity, the tyranny, oh lord, i am almost crying, (i am sometimes a slave, (what shame!)) i may already be if it weren’t for the kindness i received just recently tonight. but the fresh memory of these pains, my vulnerability, the proximity of these terrors, the probability, the easiness, there you go, i am gushing, i cannot stop, i cannot help it, cannot help myself, help me,